Dating After a Break-Up: When and How to Start Again

Break-ups hurt, for everyone. Some people want to get back out there within weeks; others need many months. Neither is wrong. This guide is about the time in between: looking after yourself, knowing when you are ready, and dating again in a way that feels good rather than rushed.

First, look after yourself

• Let yourself feel it. Sadness, anger and relief, sometimes all in one afternoon, are all normal. Having a cry or a long rant to a friend is part of getting through it.
• Lean on your people. Say yes to the invitations: Sunday lunch, a drink after work, the match at the pub.
• Keep a routine. Sleep, proper meals and getting outside every day make everything else easier.
• Do something just for you. A class, a hobby you dropped, a trip you always meant to take.
• Ask for help if you need it. If low feelings hang around for weeks, talking to your GP or a counsellor can help.

Signs you are ready to date again

• You are curious about meeting someone new, rather than looking to fill a gap or prove a point.
• You can talk about your ex without it ruining your evening.
• You would be fine if a date did not lead anywhere.
• You want to meet someone for who they are, not because they are like, or nothing like, your ex.

If most of those ring true, you are probably ready. If not, there is no rush.

Starting again, gently

Write a fresh profile. New photos, a new "about me" and an honest line about what you want now, which may be different from last time. Our dating profile tips will help.

Ease in. Start with messages and video calls, and meet in person when you feel like it. There is no prize for speed.

Take breaks when you need them. You can hide your profile from your account settings at any time and come back when you are ready.

Talking about your ex on a date

It will probably come up, and that is fine. Keep it brief, neutral and in the past tense: "I split up with someone last year, and I'm in a good place now." Leave the details for much later, if ever. A first date is for getting to know the person in front of you.

About rebounds

Something light and fun soon after a break-up can be a confidence boost, as long as you are both clear about where you stand. Be honest with yourself about what you want, and honest with them too. Nobody deserves to be someone's distraction without knowing it.

If it feels too soon

Stop, and try again later. There is no penalty for pausing, and the right time will feel easier than this one.

More dating advice

• Dating profile tips

  Photos, an honest "about me" and what to leave off.

• First date tips

  Nerves, outfits, conversation and awkward pauses.

• Dating green flags

  The small signs that someone is worth your time.

Common questions

How long should I wait to date after a break-up?

There is no fixed rule. A better test is whether you feel curious about someone new, rather than looking for a distraction.

Should I mention my break-up on my profile?

No need. Your profile is about who you are now and what you would like next.

Can I take a break from dating after I join?

Yes. You can hide your profile from your account settings and come back whenever you are ready.