Gift Ideas for Someone You Just Started Dating

A birthday or Christmas arrives a few weeks into something new, and suddenly you are wondering how much to spend and what a gift will say. The good news: early gifts are judged on thought, not price. Match the gift to how long you have been seeing each other and you will not go far wrong.

A few dates in

Keep it small and light. A card with a warm line inside, their favourite sweets, a paperback by an author they mentioned or a treat from a café you both like. You do not even need a gift: a nice plan together, such as a walk to see the Christmas lights, is often better.

A couple of months in

Now you know a little more, aim for something linked to a conversation you have had. Tickets to see a band they love, a cookbook for the food they always order, a plant for a new flat, or a day out you can share. Thoughtful beats expensive every time.

When things are getting serious

If you both know this is going somewhere, you can be a bit more personal: a framed photo from a day you loved, a night away, or something for a hobby they have talked about for weeks. You know them well enough by now to get it right.

Christmas, birthdays and Valentine's Day

Christmas early on: modest is fine, and swapping small things is lovely. Birthdays are their day, so it is worth a little more thought: plan something they will enjoy. Valentine's Day in a new relationship: keep it light. A card, a plan for the evening and perhaps flowers if you know they like them. A playlist of songs you have talked about makes a sweet, low-key extra for a night in.

Gifts to avoid early on

• Expensive jewellery. It can feel like too much, too soon.
• Anything very intimate. Save it for when you know each other well.
• Gifts that hint at a change, such as gym memberships or self-help books.
• Joke gifts that could be taken the wrong way. Humour is personal, and you are still learning theirs.
• Anything that books you both up months ahead, unless you have talked about it.

If you are not sure

Ask. "Are we doing presents for Christmas?" is a perfectly normal question, and agreeing a rough budget saves anyone from feeling awkward on the day. And if they give you something bigger than you gave them, say thank you warmly and do not apologise. Gifts are not a contest.

More dating advice

• Cheap date ideas

  Good dates for little more than the price of a coffee.

• Dating green flags

  The small signs that someone is worth your time.

• First date tips

  Nerves, outfits, conversation and awkward pauses.

Common questions

Should I buy a gift if we have only been on a few dates?

A card or a small, thoughtful treat is plenty. Nothing at all is fine too, especially if you have a nice plan together.

How much should I spend on someone I just started dating?

Keep it modest early on. A gift that shows you listened beats an expensive one every time.

What if they give me a bigger gift than I gave them?

Say thank you warmly and do not apologise. Gifts are not a contest.